Things I Am Recovering Just Now (Twelve)


It has been
Two years
Or maybe three
Since I knew you last
I can still taste the bitter
In the back of my mouth

We were in the same city
But your heart was somewhere else
With someone else
I think I knew it
To begin with
But didn’t want to believe it


Colorado was your home
I was a Midwest rental
With a twenty-four hour vacancy
A place for you to reside
Only when convenient

You came back that summer
With more baggage
Than I could hold
I tried my best to carry it for you
I couldn’t
My arms have always been
My knees weaker


I was
Desperate for affection
You gave me little of it
But it was just the right amount
To be able to stretch into lasting

I held on to your hand
You held on to mine
Like you were hoping
To drop it
Like you wouldn’t mind
If you did


You had multiple pet rats
I said I didn’t mind them
I lied


Your dog loved me
More than you did


Your couch was uncomfortable
I slept on it anyway
I wanted to be
As close to you
As humanly possible


We never made love
In your bed


You didn’t know how
To say no to anyone
Especially me
You said nothing


You were easily
Taken advantage of


I took care of you
While you took care of
Everyone else


I was sixteen when I met you
I don’t remember how


You took
Everything I had
With greedy hands
And still managed
To call yourself selfless

I would have stripped
My skin raw
Just for you to have something
To keep you warm in the wintertime

You left
Before September even arrived

That August
Was the coldest
Of all twelve months

These are the things
I am recovering just now
Things I can only recall
At odd hours of the night
When I am laying in bed

These are the things
I don’t remember well
But I remember them
Enough to make myself ache

I remember you
Enough to feel the swelling
Of what it feels like
To give too much of yourself

I remember you
I still do

I hope you remember me too.


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