Thank You

You say,
“I’m sorry for dragging you
into my life”
and I want to laugh the loudest
laugh possible for my lungs to emit, my
chest heaving with the irony, the
actuality that I was not dragged in forcefully
I stepped in willingly
to a door already closing

–

I hope she loves you as well as
I never got the chance to
I hope she speaks about
how full her heart is and how
easy it is to be with you
I hope this half ton of weight that
is finally off my chest makes
its way on to yours
I hope it’s not too much to carry but
then again I do

–

You say,
“I’m sorry, don’t hate me”
but my dear,
don’t you know that it is myself that
is always the target of disappointment?

–

I hope I’m washed out of your mouth by
the time you kiss hers
the sour, the whiskey, the passionate hatred,
the coming back again,
tonight the neighbors are having a party and
all I can think about is
us at 2 in the morning dancing
to the noise of each other

–

You say,
“I’m sorry, I’ve tried calling”
but we both know the lack of dial tone in your voice and
the absence of ring in mine says enough
I waited for an answer but
you hung up

–

I am certain that
I will spend the rest of my time in this city
searching for you in other people,
I am convinced that
I will need sleeping pills to forget
the music in your voice, your singing in my ears
has become nothing more than a repeated knocking

–

You say,
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”
I say nothing but
in my head I say thank for
untying this knot we
got ourselves into
–

this is about a future that does not have you in it
one where I will pick at my food while you
pick at her shirt, pulling off clumps of cotton, laughing,
while I try to fill this empty stomach with anything but
sorrow and morosity

this is a poem about a song that isn’t for me
she’s a poet too,
how fitting